Unbeweaveable!

So I'm back after an amazing vacation in lovely Trinidad. Things that occurred included me getting a weave in order to get back to my black side (and not have to comb my hair.) That didn't work out so well.

I didn't go to Shaniqua around the corner to get it done, I got a good recommendation from someone at work to go to "Sammy" because HE was good. And yes, I was psyched...because who doesn't love a guy that does weaves?!! I thought we were going to be BFF's talkin about bitches and sexy men. Gay Sammy was to be my best friend in my head.

Didn't turn out that way, because once I spoke to the person, Gay Sammy was really African Sammy (like FROM Africa) and he had a heavy, raspy voice and seemed as straight as a pin. So there was a ton of worry, because now if a straight man was doing my hair, I didn't want his balls to rub on my shoulders due to the height to chair proportion. Does anyone else every worry about that? I wasn't sure.

If Gay Sammy (does not exist) actually rubbed his balls on my shoulder while doing my hair, we would just giggle about it and drink mimosas. But African Sammy would just be creepy.

So here's how it turned out:

Not bad African Sammy, not bad. 

African Sammy turned out to be a lovely man, his balls nor any of his nether regions shared space with my shoulder, though there was one really awkward moment where I was sure I was staring at his belly button area. Since I was going to Trinidad for nonstop partying with my fave cousin and his friends, I didn't think about getting soaked and constantly partying and all that jazz. This weave thing really was not a good choice. By the end of my trip I couldn't handle it and decided to take it all out. I named it Seymour, it looked like a ball of fur. 

Apparently I didn't really the black girl manual to having a weave. I really need to work on my black card this year. It's a constant struggle. 

In other news I really and truly believe I have a new neighbor. My floor only has 2 apartments, so things have been lonely on the 3rd floor, that is until I saw a welcome mat next door. I really want to meet mystery neighbor, because I'm gung ho and using my British accent with them to see how much they'd think is real. I'd also like to introduce myself as Lily.

I JUST got home and saw LIGHTS ON in the apartment, this means a physical body must be on the inside. I really just want to leave them a weird present on their welcome mat, I was thinking about a dead dove or something. Too much? That's okay, I'm not sure where I was gonna find a dead dove anyway. Annnnnd, I don't know what doves look like. 

Maybe I might move the welcome mat 4 feet, just to see if it's moved back. This will definitely make me a cool neighbor if they found out about it. 

I can't wait!!

Ode to Douchebag Dave

Let's talk about Dave. Dave is in the same program as me, he's my coworker/neighbor/enemy/person I despise. Obviously I'm not a big fan of his by one look at the title of this post. Dave is from Philadelphia, went to Drexel University and is an avid lover of the Philadelphia Eagles/ Phillies/ Philly Flyers. He loves Hyundai and Kias, as they were the makers of his past and current cars respectively. Since getting to know Dave, here are a list of things I never really cared for before, but I now actually detest with all the blood in my veins:

-The city of Philadelphia
-Drexel University
-The Philadelphia Eagles
-The Philadelphia Phillies
-The Philly FLyers
-Hyundai
-Kia

Let's not forget that Dave constantly asks me for the Jamaican Creole (since I'm Jamaican & speak Creole) translation to any phrase or sentence he could find. He does so by calling me "Katrina." By far biggest pet peeves of mine. Speaking of pets, Dave routinely likes to make fun of my weekend nights and the game nights I have with my 18 cats (you know, because I'm single).

As a result, I tend to project lots of anger towards Dave, sometimes I don't realize that it's my natural reaction.

Here's a picture of Dave and I last year, 4 weeks after meeting him. 

Here's Dave and I, 13 months later at the Grand Canyon. 

Reason for this post is because Dave is soon leaving Phoenix to head for his "permanent" role back in CT. Not only am I a bit jealous of him, but I AM going to miss him a tad bit. At work, where I constantly have the want to punch my boss in his vagina, Dave has been perfect at using his douchebaggery skills to help create humor throughout my day. And for that he will be missed. The forces of good that we call ourselves and our goal to fight the forces of evil that is our boss and his mongoloid followers will be down to a team of one.

Hard to believe with this pic, but we're the cool bosses at work

Who else will I create nicknames with for almost all of my coworkers and almost half of our employees so we could tell funny stories of the dumb things that they do infront of others without people knowing??

The nicknames themselves are hilarious and have a method. Sometimes we like to use someone's initials and match it to a popular phrase or compound word, e.g., if we wanted to talk about how annoying "Dana Smith" was, we would just say "So I saw Dance Star trying to make tea in the coffee maker". We also give people complete nicknames due to their personality, like one of our favorites, "Steamboat Mickey." Just picture someone who looks like this at every point of the day, particularly when in conversation...

Oh boy!!

Finally, we group them together, strategically placed employees are known as the Bermuda Triangle, due to the loss of brain cells if you were to engage in conversation with all of them at the same time. Though, it is easy to escape this triangle, a tactic we use by simply walking away from them mid-conversation. Trust me, it works every time.

Now that Dave's departure is upon us, I will also need to get a few things in order. I'm going to have handle cash better and remember my badge at work all the frickin time. Dave frequently had to lend me his badge (and money) to get lunch or to purchase something. No worries though, I always pay him back and stuff and I'm pretty sure my tab is settled with him. I was hoping for some good treats from him moving, I had an idea of some of the "going away presents" that he could give to me, including his coffee table and an endless amount of food from his refrigerator. Instead, so far I got some mustard and an open pack of wontons, but I'm not complaining...except here...because I wanted his coffee table.

So here's to Douchebag Dave. May your creepy smile and easy to punch face brighten someone else's day in CT.