How I lost my black card on Thanksgiving

So yeah. I'm black. Well really, I'm brown and really and truly, I'm Trinidadian, but for any old person looking at me, they would assume, I'm "black" aka African American. As a result there are some things I am expected to be able to do, which include the following:

• Dougie (done)
• Teach you how to dougie (taught)
• Cornrow (mehhh, I could manage)
• Like fried chicken (who doesn't?!)
• Know the meaning of the slangs in rap songs (I make up believable definitions)
• Make a proper mac n cheese.....PROBLEM

I was nicely invited to a lovely Thanksgiving meal, by dear friend that we love Nikki (see pic below) and since I consumed a most scrumptious Mac n Cheese at gathering with friends, I knew this would be the perfect meal for me to bring along to my Thanksgiving celebration. Now mind you, Nikki didn't care what I brought, she by no means thought I had to bring said dish simply because of my lovely skin color. But I just HAAAADDD to make macnsheese.

 

We <3 Her

I bought all necessary ingredients needed: elbow macaroni, cheddar cheeses, milk, breadcrumbs, I even through in Monterrey jack for a kick. So on Thankgiving, I decided to be even fancier and make the cheese sauce like a true chef would and started with a roux Of course, I had the heat too high and burned the butter and then it didn't take well too the flour and thickened waay too quickly. I really know how this works in theory and I really KNOW how to make macnsheese without the blue box...but I just had, well, a moment :(

Of course, as it became a flour-y, starch-y disaster, I considered a few options, which included taking the dish to the house anyway and checking to see how many people really attempted to eat it OR scratching the whole thing OR eating it all myself, though it tasted like warm dough and cheese OR cry and show up emptyhanded. But Nikki's family is far too nice for me to watch them squirm as they attempted to eat my warmdoughncheese and they would never trust my cooking after that, so I decided to scratch the idea and make my famous mini apple pies that taste like heaven in your mouth.

Made with Love Got Dammit!

When I told dear friend Andrew about my fiasco, he placed my black card on a 3 day suspension and I had to find a way to reestablish it... FOUND. Cause a fight on black Friday. Durr. He agreed that this would reinstate formerly suspended black card and even give me extra points if I fought at Wal-Mart and extra EXTRA points if I were arrested for it. 

On Black Friday, bright and early at 11am, I found myself at Wal-Mart, hair pinned back and ready to fight over low cost items to redeem my black card. I went in there, and almost kicked this lady's ass when she told me she was reaching for the same cart I was. I was off to a good start. In order to start a good fight, I decided to not take things from shelves, instead...from other people's carts. It worked well, I was arguing about 15 mins in.

Once the Wal-Mart employees threatened to call the cops, I knew I was back in the black good graces and I was out the door and ready to go do the electric slide or make a jug of kool-aid. 

The End.

P.S.-- Of course I didn't steal from other people at Wal-Mart, though I did stare very intensely at a small hispanic child who was looking at my new Wii game, so it's pretty much the same.